Letter from a Boomer Widow

My husband went out for a waterski with my daughters and died suddenly while crossing the wake. We are both in our early 50's. My husband has spent the last two years making sure his parents estate was all in order and was to start on ours this fall. "We" own several businesses and I understood a bit but not nearly enough. I listened to your radio broadcast and heard such familiar feelings. Trying to negotiate finance decisions in the middle of grieving is quite a difficult process. Any advice for someone who wishes she had read your book last year? Katie

I spoke with Katie and learned that her family had just returned from a multi-city trip planned months in advance.

When I receive emails like this, I think of John Lennon’s quote “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans". It seems we’re all busy making other plans.

Even if Katie had thought of it, she couldn’t have planned or set things up without her husband’s cooperation. She couldn’t get a life insurance policy for him if he wouldn’t make time to get a physical. Without his participation, she couldn’t set up their estate plan, write his will or arrange for durable powers of attorney.

Katie will have to deal with her financial affairs the hard and expensive way, learning about the finances at a time when she can’t think. Grieving and loss smother the ability to think clearly. She wants to provide continuity for her daughters who are suffering their own loss. Katie will also be comforting her in-laws who are grieving over the loss of their son.

It’s too late to tell her husband how much she loves him, how she appreciates all that he had does for her and the girls, what a wonderful man he is and how lucky she feels to be his wife.

Katie's husband might have told her not to worry, that he was in great health and that the businesses were doing fine . His priority was his parent’s estate. He would have gotten around to planning for Katie and his children eventually.

The problem is that we never know when the clock will run out on eventually.