Friday, March 23, 2007

“Sign here, Honey”

Remember your shock the first time you looked at your face in a magnifying mirror? Your flawless complexion, magnified several levels, showed everything you'd never see by looking into an ordinary mirror.
That’s what happens when you learn what the numbers mean on your income tax return. You get a much closer look at what is going on financially in your marriage.
Every year on April 15, my husband would race into the house at
9:00 pm with the tax return he’d just picked up from his accountant.“The Post Office is open till midnight, so sign here honey,” he’d say, handing me a pen, and pointing to the pages with the little yellow tabs waiting for my signature.
Like most wives I know, I was on automatic pilot. “Sign here Honey” meant just that. I was relieved at the time that I didn’t have to be involved with what I considered to be, like mowing the lawn or cleaning out the garage, my husband’s job.
Today, knowing how foolish that can be, I’d never sign a form, contract or agreement or legal document that I don’t understand. That goes for the tax return as well.
Typically, your husband isn’t going to intentionally falsify information on the return. On the other hand, he might be doing exactly that. As soon as you sign, you’re agreeing to the accuracy of the information and the government assumes you understood what you signed.
However, “Sign here Honey” may be three little words that can come back to haunt you if you are ever divorced or widowed.
My friend Betty earned a six-figure income with a large corporation. She managed huge budgets and financial commitments affecting hundreds of employees. But when it came to her marital finances, Betty assumed the role of traditional wife, letting her husband Mike manage their finances.
During her divorce proceedings a few years ago, Betty was asked if she saw the tax returns annually. She did. Did she review them? No, frankly, she trusted her husband. Wasn’t she concerned about what she was signing? No. Three years after their divorce was final, Betty was still wrangling with the IRS about her ex-husband’s underreported income.
Your husband isn’t necessarily trying to hide things from you by preparing the return. He does it because you don't. So ask him to explain what the numbers mean. He might be relieved that you’re finally taking an interest in the marital finances.
If an accountant is doing your taxes, attend the meeting with your husband. This is a great place to ask questions because the accountant can explain things to you that often your husband doesn’t fully understand. Remember, you have to show interest, especially if you’ve made it a point not to be involved over the years.
“Sign here Honey” takes on a totally different meaning when you’re participating as a financially intimate partner.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Women and Money

In the ‘70s, Gloria Steinem coined a one word phrase “Click!” that was shorthand for “Oh! Enough said. I’ve got it. Point taken.” “Click” included all those phrases in one word.
I’m feeling a lot of Clicks in the last few weeks with the release of Suze Orman’s new book “Women and Money” and the interviews she’s been giving on television and in print.
Suze Orman is one of the best writers about financial information. Her writing is clear and conversational. The information is accurate and easy to understand. In fact, I recommend her books to women who take my seminars. I’ve even included her books as part of the suggested reading list in "Don't Worry about a Thing, Dear "- Why Women Need Financial Intimacy.
But there’s always been something missing, and until the last few weeks, I couldn’t figure it out. Until CLICK!
Suze, by her own description, has never been in a relationship with a man. She’s never been held hostage by the cultural forces that millions of women experience in relationship to their husband. She’s never been legally bound to a man who raises his voice in anger, stonewalls his wife, refuses to share financial information with her or blocks her access to marital finance records. She is never in danger because someone else is making decisions without her knowledge that affect her legal and financial well-being.
Suze never raised children; her nurturing instincts weren’t tested by children whom luck or life dealt a raw deal and there is no one to turn to except Mom. She’s been, and continues to be, a free agent, unencumbered by the cultural and emotional baggage that millions of heterosexual women experience in marriage and motherhood.
Women have a lot to learn about money and their relationship to it. Owning the power to control your own destiny, which is the subtitle of Suze's new book "Women and Money", is, unfortunately, exactly what wives can't do without their husband's cooperation.
CLICK!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

A 21st Century Dowry

I met a woman recently who told me that, when her daughter Lisa was born 30 years ago, she and her husband bought a house for her in Palo Alto. It seems her own mother had done the same thing for her and she was continuing a family tradition.
Over the years, the value of the house increased as the mortgage decreased. In the last 30 years, the $35,000 investment grew to over a million dollars. The house had paid for family vacations and even financed her daughter’s college education.
That’s not so easy to do in today’s real estate market. But that isn’t keeping millions of women from buying their own home – a twist on the Hope Chest of yesterday.
It is not clear when the tradition of the "Hope Chest" started, or where, but it is certainly one that has survived the centuries. The Hope Chest signifies 'hope for marriage' and the promise of love and security.
A Hope Chest is really nothing more than a wooden chest, a storage unit, or a large box full of items that have been collected over time. It was property that a woman owned and brought into her marriage. In years gone by, women filled it with sentimental treasures as well as practical items they would use in setting up a new home with their husband.
But since houses and husbands are not mutually exclusive, the large number of women buying their own home today are storing treasures in a different kind of hope chest. They’re filling their home with today’s pleasures and tomorrow’s dreams, many of which may still include marriage - but don’t depend on it.
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