When Leslie and Don met and fell in love, she had a great sales job with an international start-up. She loved the travel, the pace and challenge of contributing to the growth of the company. Don had recently sold his software company to a competitor.
When they married, he wanted children right away; Leslie wanted to work a few more years. Don was charming, insistent, seductive. The baby was born during their first year of marriage. Leslie intended to return to work, but Don insisted she stay home and be a full-time mother. He said they had enough money so she didn’t have to work.
Leslie hadn’t managed her money well before marriage. Her credit wasn’t good. She had no savings.She was counting on high commissions and stock options to offset her modest salary. She quit her job before either of these could kick in.
When Don insisted on a prenuptial agreement, Leslie didn’t object. She figured she had no personal assets to protect and from now on, everything would be community property. She would be building her life with Don. Divorce never entered her mind.
Leslie is trapped. She is financially dependent on Don. She moved into his large house when they married. The Mercedes she drives belongs to him. He handles all investments. She sees none of the bank or brokerage statements; they are addressed to him or sent to his office. He checks the activity on her debit card daily and asks for an explanation of what she bought. She has no credit card of her own except store cards for Nordstrom and Saks. Don insists on seeing all receipts and purchases.
To an outside observer, Leslie appears to have everything. However, she has effectively been stripped of her own identity. She is isolated and hemmed in by financial restrictions. If she tries to get more financial freedom, she’s likely to discover that Don is a clever financial abuser who will claim he just wants her to have everything – that is, everything he will allow her to have.
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