Trust, Husbands and Financial Advisors

A woman called into a talk show where the topic was marital fidelity.Saying she was done with men, the caller ended her commentary by asking "If you can't trust the person who takes a marriage vow with you, whom can you trust?"

I thought about her question as it applies to two professions dealing with money- financial advice and accounting.  No financial advisor takes a vow before taking us on as a client. We can't check a track record because the names of clients are confidential. We have no way of knowing how well the advisor does in an economic downturn.

Bottom line, we're working on trust - giving our money to a firm or individual whose caveat is that past performance is no indication of future results and counsels us on the risks of investment. The certificates on the office wall testify to completion of a course of study, not a grade for performance.

The same holds true for the accounting profession. Most accountants are good at what they do. But they depend on accurate input from us to help us with our tax return. The accountant signs the return based on trust that we've provided all the information we're required to provide. If we're filing a joint tax return and most of the financial information is handled by our husband because we don't "do taxes", we have to trust he has provided accurate information.

Trust is involved in a transaction with someone when we do not have full knowledge about them, their intent, and the things they are offering us.  However, when it comes to marriage, which requires no study, no training and nothing but a vow, trust is used interchangeably with love. Unfortunately, love is not a course of study and no one gets a diploma in the subject.

Marrying for Money 2011 Style

Marrying for money is back in style. Well, at least it's not the dirty little secret it used to be. There's a spate of new books to advise women who want to marry rich how to get their man.The recent issue of Town & Country Magazine devotes a whole issue to love, marriage and money.

None of the writers about love are sure what it is. They know what marriage is, and while no one openly admits that they married for money, most people aren't fooled when they meet the mate. For example, does anyone think that the 24-year-old engaged to Hugh Hefner, 60 years her senior, is marrying him to build a life together?

Daphne Merkin, rethinking her own refusal to marry for money, writes "If the man is rich enough, one overlooks - everything. He can be bald, hairy, have a stomach that hangs like an apron and be really under-endowed." She summarizes,"...there's a lot you'll have to stomach along the way but it will be easier if you keep your eye on the bottom line."

I've met women who won't admit that they married for money, but freely confess that they stay married because of the money. I remember a woman in one of my seminars who said “Am I happily married? That's beside the point. I know what I’ve got – and at least he has money." Many of the other women agreed with her. Another woman said  "Don't you feel like you sold your soul just for the money?"

Is there a difference between going in for the money and staying in for money? Is it wrong to feel that money makes someone more interesting? If marriage buys you a lifestyle you want, are you selling your soul if you’re opting for security and stability over romantic love and passion?

What would you tell your daughter?

Marrying for money is back in style. Well, at least it's not the dirty little secret it used to be. There's a spate of new books to advise women who want to marry rich how to get their man.The recent issue of Town & Country Magazine devotes a whole issue to love, marriage and money.

None of the writers about love are sure what it is. They know what marriage is, and while no one openly admits that they married for money, most people aren't fooled when they meet the mate. For example, does anyone think that the 24-year-old engaged to Hugh Hefner, 60 years her senior, is marrying him to build a life together?

Daphne Merkin, rethinking her own refusal to marry for money, writes "If the man is rich enough, one overlooks - everything. He can be bald, hairy, have a stomach that hangs like an apron and be really under-endowed." She summarizes,"...there's a lot you'll have to stomach along the way but it will be easier if you keep your eye on the bottom line."

I've met women who won't admit that they married for money, but freely confess that they stay married because of the money. I remember a woman in one of my seminars who said “Am I happily married? That's beside the point. I know what I’ve got – and at least he has money." Many of the other women agreed with her. Another woman said  "Don't you feel like you sold your soul just for the money?"

Is there a difference between going in for the money and staying in for money? Is it wrong to feel that money makes someone more interesting? If marriage buys you a lifestyle you want, are you selling your soul if you’re opting for security and stability over romantic love and passion?

What would you tell your daughter?