Estate Planners and Parent Abuse

Parent abuse is a silent problem, widely prevalent but not widely discussed. Most information available about the topic deals with parents who abuse children rather than the opposite.

Parents who are bullied by their adult children have trouble admitting it; they may even deny that there is a problem. They feel depressed, anxious, and ashamed that they “didn't do the right thing” and that’s why they’re being abused.

Many parents put up with the bullying because they don’t want to end a relationship with a child whom they love. Some need their child’s help with care giving. Others fear their child’s unpredictable aggression if they speak up about their feelings.

Estate planners come across these painful situations when parents draw up a will. They often recommend that parents talk openly with children about inheritance plans, explaining their reasons about inheritance distribution. The rationale is that the bully will learn how deeply their continuing abuse hurts their parents or alert them to change their behavior in anticipation of future loss.

This advice feels dangerous to parents who live in fear of the next round of indignity. Odds are that the bullying child will become even more so. It’s sad, but staying silent about inheritance plans is a safety shield for abused parents, a way to regain a sense of dignity and self-esteem.

How much better to find the courage to say to a bully, any bully, “Back off, you’re crossing a line here” while you’re alive. For those whose courage fails them, their message will wait until they die.

Some Financial Advisors Ahead of the Curve

Over the years, I’ve met dozens of financial advisors in the San Francisco Bay Area. Most are just fine. They crunch the numbers and work the charts, and when markets do well, they can do no wrong. The true test of their relationship with their clients comes when times are bad -  When fear is high, loss is painful and trust is compromised.

Some financial advisors understand these pendulum swings in mood and confidence and use the undulations to think outside the box. I like to think of these firms who understand the soft side of financial planning as the harbingers of how business will be done in the future.

For example, Paul King, president of King Wealth Planning Inc. has been presenting community programs to educate and empower people , and especially women, about how to lead an enlightened financial life.  The cost of these programs comes right off King’s bottom line. But the good will it generates can’t be measured in dollars. It is measured in trust.

Can the firm point to a direct correlation between what the programs cost them and what they receive in return? Not yet, but I’m hoping the coming years will repay the firm with a cornucopia of business because of what they were willing to provide at the front end.

Another creative soft side approach is that followed by Lasecke Weil LLC Wealth Advisory Group, headed by Tracy Lasecke and Curt Weil. They know that baby boomers and their parents often find it difficult to begin the crucial conversations they need to have about planning. They also believe that training their own team in how to be more sensitive to intergenerational issues makes it easier for the planning process itself to begin.

You can learn more about the soft side of financial planning. It's as much about hearts as charts.

http://www.financialconversationswithheart.com

http://www.kingwealth.com.

http://www.laseckeweil.com

Financial Advisors and the F word

Oh, it's not what you're thinking. The F word I'm thinking about is fiduciary, meaning that your financial advisor is required to put your best interests as the client first, no matter what.