The Enemy of Intimacy

Is discussing money a hot button subject at your house?

Is your husband involved in deals you don’t understand?

Even worse, does he withhold financial information?

If you’re resentful or angry about the lack of financial intimacy between you, you’re probably angry about a lot of other things … your sex life, for example.

Where do you think those negative emotions go at bedtime? That’s right – straight to bed with you. They wrap themselves around you and smother the chances of enjoyable sex. Your mate may not know what you’re thinking, but he’ll understand what your body language is telling him.

Financial secrets can be as deadly to a marriage as infidelity. Both result in a feeling of betrayal, a lack of trust , a blow to your self-esteem and a devaluing of wedding vows spoken with a commitment to a lifetime partnership.

The law considers you to be an equal legal and financial partner in your marriage. If you’re not being treated that way by your husband, whether you admit it or not, you’ll be seething with resentment as you suppress your feelings.

One of the women I interviewed for my book said, “He wants to have sex every night and I can’t know what our net worth is? Forget it.”

So talk to him about money – it’s your money too. Share your concerns, your fears, your desire to participate. Better yet, let me tell him what's on your mind. I lay it all out in Chapter 15 of my book by telling him what you can't.

Go for it. Your husband can’t read your mind. If you want to be involved with the money, do it while you're together. If divorce or widowhood is a worry for you, the sooner you know about the money, the safer you are.

Remember, silence is the enemy of intimacy, in the bedroom and out of it.