A thoughtful story by Alison Lobron ( www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/ articles/2007/07/15 )explores the emphasis on emotional togetherness in marriage and the willingness to divorce if a couple doesn’t achieve it within a certain time frame.
The story reminded me of a Frenchwoman I met in a restaurant in Paris. She and her companion were seated at an adjoining table. She introduced him as Paul; her name, she said, was Christine. She was wearing a diamond ring on her left hand. They spoke about their life, children, grandchildren and their house on the Ile de Louis. I asked how long they were married. “Oh, we have been only engaged for 40 years,”she said. “We like it better that way. We feel we are still choosing each other.”
I couldn’t help thinking about her when I read the Boston Globe article . Why this rush to marry in an age when marriage isn’t a social necessity? Why not a longer engagement that allows deeper exploration of each other without the pressure of a timetable and countdown to a wedding day? What's wrong with a Steve Martin like surprise of marrying in your own home and inviting a few close friends to join you? Does that signify a lesser commitment?
I wonder whether our $161 billion bridal industry, with its incessant fantasies about romance, glamour and happiness, has any responsibility for brainwashing otherwise intelligent young adults to act like lemmings in their rush towards the sea?
Do these unrealistic expectations keep people from putting in the truly hard work that comes with sharing your life with one other person?
Ultimately, do romantic and unrealistic expectations generated before marriage increase the odds of divorce?
Any thoughts on that? Love to hear them. helga@financialintimacy.com
No comments:
Post a Comment