When is it Financial Abuse?

Life imitates art - again.

In Anna Quindlen’s gripping novel “Black and Blue”, a wife tries to escape from her abusive husband who is a policeman. She lives in terror that he will locate her using the same methods he uses to pursue criminals.

This week’s headlines from Bollingbrook, Illinois seem lifted from the book.

Drew Peterson, a policeman, is suspected in the disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy. The body of his third wife, exhumed for further investigation, shows visible evidence of homicide. Relatives tell police that the husband abused the women. The husband claims he loves Stacy and wants her to come home. This is a classic scenario of domestic abuse.

One of the earliest signs of future abusive behavior is financial control of a relationship. The husband controls the purse strings, refusing to share financial information with his wife but expecting that she account for every purchase decision.

Many women suffer in silence, thinking that such controlling behavior is a personality quirk. Even though they may argue with their husband about money, they still have access to joint finances, reasonable mobility and buying choices. They also have the option of divorce without that gnawing fear that they are in physical danger.

Where do you draw the line?

You may know someone who you suspect is financially abused. On the other hand, you may not know that your neighbor, acquaintance or friend is a financial hostage because she won’t tell you. She's afraid to rock the boat, fearful for her children, knowing that her hands are tied financially.

You may know her husband, and never suspect a thing. He’s not out of control or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. He can be charming, an upstanding member of the community, the life of the party. He can also be a control freak with the intent to isolate his wife into a state of total financial dependence.

Signs of Financial Abuse
Controlling the finances.
Withholding money or credit cards.
Giving you an allowance.
Making you account for every penny you spend.
Stealing from you or taking your money.
Exploiting your assets for personal gain.
Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly, etc.)

If something about your relationship with your husband or partner scares you and you need to talk, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to Http://www.nrcdv.org

If you know someone who needs this information, please pass it on. It could be a life saver.